The Hardest Part
by emiskida
Summary: What can be worse than watching God punish the one you love? [ONESHOT]


**X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X**

**Disclaimer no. 1**: Yep I don't own Kingdom Hearts.

This is a little story I just felt like writing. I'm a noob so this should have plenty of mistakes and have deficiency in some sides. Sprinkle me with criticism!

I wanna regard my thanks to Bizzy! You really are a friend! Thanks!

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- The Hardest Part -

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_Beep . . . . beep . . . . beep . . . . beep . . . . beep . . ._

"It's so difficult . . . to open my eyes . . ."

The first thing visible to her pale blue eyes is the endless swaying of the white curtains meters away from her bed. The hue of the whole room is unbearable-the stressing citrus shine of a setting sun. So dead. The bird's rehearsal is not today, I'm afraid. She wished to close her eyes again, but it such action will surely require a _huge _amount of effort. So hallow. No any kind of thought played games with her mind. Not even a blank, only absolute nothingness. She didn't even _have _nothing.

The loud creaking on the door is something inaudible to her. A person standing before her is something invisible and the words she heard were of a different language. Void of any emotion, lifeless is what her life turned to be.

"Kairi, Hello there. . ."

Gifted with the sweetest smile, Riku's eyes were gleaming as they revealed themselves after hiding behind his silver hair. A smile painted on his lips, the most soothing face anyone can ever see. All of these, nothing more than a paper with no scribbles of a child.

"Do you need anything? Anything . . . at all?" The virus of having no thought in mind is strongly contagious. The pitiful sight of her erased every line in the script he had written prior this visit. It hurts.

Having heard no answer at all, he decided on his own and sought of something he may do to earn his keep as a friend. Beside a small table, a pitcher in hand, he poured cold water in a glass. Every drop that dispensed took hours before reaching the base of the chalice.

Now seated back beside the lady, he held the glass of water parallel to her lips. The sight of her, opening her mouth slightly but the rest of her body remaining statue, was most chilling, scary, but sympathy could reign mainly.

Several droplets which rained on her chest must have mean that she had enough . . . enough to remedy her chapped and faded lips.

From the moment of his entry up to now, she still has not made any conspicuous movement. So dead. So hallow. So Lifeless.

He stood up, finding it the only way to lessen the tension building up in his heart. What could be scarier than staring at a lady whose glares are only offered for the empty space in front of her? Just seeing her blink may only be realized in dreams.

On a desk, leaning on a wall, three objects can be found-enough to paint a picture. There's a brush; something that belonged dearly to her-an heirloom, treasured eternally, now wrapped with long strands of brown hair. Then there's a mirror; perhaps a bride to the first object. It is scarred now, however. A crack across it makes the images it reflects warped. The last object is a towel. Parched, blood clot can be grated from its threads.

On the floor were photos of him and their other friends; Sora, Cloud, Yuffie, Leon, Tidus, Selphie, Wakka, Aerith, Donald, Goofy. Once, they were held gently with hands and could hear a jolly laughter. Now it is torn apart. Hours will be needed to glue them back.

On the wall is a sort of notepad and one number is placed on it, scribbled by her, most probably. The number 8 written. Numbers 9, 10, 11, and 12 are scattered on the floor beneath it.

Recalling what the numbers represent, Riku went back beside Kairi.

"The bandages on your head aren't so tight, right?" He expected to receive no answer even before inquiring this question.

If pain can be exchanged for money, he may be considered a _Billionaire _right now. For seeing her in this kind of situation is blade enough to tear his heart open. The desolation residing in his mind is more than sufficient to hinder his thoughts from wondering of how to cry.

He held her bony hand and squeezed them; only feeling the skin scrape against the bones.

"Kairi . . . Please say something to me . . ." The fluid they call tears then gushed out from his eyes as they suffered disgust of the sight of the unhealthy person before them. "Kairi…"

Then, an event that never existed in his wildest imagination took part. Her eyes, in a chilling split second, shifted to where he is situated. As if she had noticed a ghost and placed her glare on it. Riku was most terrified. What he wished to happen; never did he expect it to be so horrifying. Those eyes were not hers.

The next thing vivid to him is the trembling of her hand. Shaking like rabid earthquake, it was everything but normal. Placing his eyes back to her face, he witnessed the torrent of a red liquid coming out of her nose and mouth; so grotesque that he felt his stomach turn.

"Dear God, its happening again . . ."

The ache present in him had no chance of stopping his rush towards her. Not minding if his grip is too tight, he simply chained his arms around the quivering body. No idea of how to end this torment of hers, he did nothing but give off tears.

"Why did God choose you to be like this, Kairi? What have you done to be treated so violently? If only I could just exchange our places."

Lengthy moments were enough to satisfy the wishes of pain. He let go of her and sat back flatly on his seat. So hard was it to watch the poor thing breathe in so desperately; so exhausted to even take in air in her lungs.

The feeling of being so helpless-what could be worse?. He sees her eyes, gushing tears, screaming out, 'I don't want to live anymore'. And all the slave can do is wipe off the blood dripping from her face and the spatters on her body.

"Where's the gay and jokeful Kairi? Where is that lively girl who wouldn't cry, who'd just pout out whenever sad. Where did she go? Will she ever come back? And who is this sickly patient in front of me?"

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Every step sung their echoes. Every swaying of his arm made whirlwinds. Every tear is enough to flood the whole town.

Riku located himself in a seat and with more tears coming out imprudently, he didn't felt like wiping them off for more are yet to come out. Then, kneeling stressfully, he clutched both of his hands and tightly shut his eyes.

His ritual spent hours. He needed not to whisper any word for he is certain that He is fully aware of what he wishes. Fooling himself that this desperation will put everything back to its places, he smirked. And if he wasn't able to hold it, he might have laughed hard, too.

Darkness was performing its part the moment he opened his eyes. The candles on the altar in front of him, the only ones sharing his pain. The numbness of his knees, unordinary the moment he stood up.

With eyes still not dried, he retraced his steps and aimed at the huge wooden doors. Every step made him realize that his time here obtained it futility. Time was wasted. It won't do anything good. It won't change what is opting to happen.

Knowing the He had abandoned her, Riku didn't even notice that he dropped the rosary on the ground. "It's useless . . . It wont even help her grow her hair back."

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A week since his last visit. Riku just found himself standing beside the bed of Kairi. More than having to feel a Deja Vu, the very same music is playing at the moment. _Did seven days wither or I'm just still here?_

Kairi looked exactly the way she was seven days ago. No, she has gotten worse. Chapped and faded lips. He fooled himself, believing that there's still hair growing beneath those bandages on the top of her head. Her skin, drying and wrinkled. Did she age faster than him?

"Hi Kairi . . ." These words, he hoped they would reach her.

He took a glimpse again inside the room. The Hairbrush, the mirror, now placed inside a small wooden box. A few more steps and in front his eyes was the notepad clinging on the wall. Now the number 1 is on it. A week ago it was different. The other numbers piled up on the floor.

He sat back to the chair. His eyes, now releasing a flood of tears again, glued unto her wrinkled face. "Kairi . . . I came here to say . . . something . . . something truly out of place . . . But I hope you shall hear it . . ."

Did she even hear those words?

"Kairi . . . I love you . . ."

No . . . she didn't hear them.

"Kairi . . . please talk to me . . . You can still talk right?"

What's the point of all of this?

"Please . . . oh God . . . What is wrong?"

The next thing his eyes saw was his own fingers. He held his face, wept heavily.

_Is she already dead? Am I just imagining her presence here?_

"Kairi . . . why? Why won't you say anything? Sora told me you talked to him, the same with Cloud, Aerith, Goofy and Donald. They said you even smile at them. But . . . to me . . . you don't even look at me . . . Do you hate me? Is this why you're ignoring me? Please say something!"

He said all of this without looking at her. He couldn't anyway, for his hands covered his eyes. But if God made his hands transparent, he could have seen something peculiar happening.

Kairi had her teary eyes on Riku. With all strength, she held her arm up, trying to reach his face, hoping to caress it. But God did not allow this simple wish granted. She coughed blood out, lest pulled her arm back. The very dreadful sound pilfered his attention.

Riku saw that the very same thing that took place seven days ago is replaying again. Just like that, the very same sympathy took over him, the same question asked, and the same tears appeared.

Her eyes widely open, staring deeply towards the ceiling, tilted her head in an almost inhuman manner. Her mouth gaped so horribly, as if an immense object was to come out from her throat. Arms, squirming, shaking with such unimaginable rate. But the adjective that was incomparably grotesque, something Riku failed to accept, is the endless discharge of blood; pints of this fluid coming from her mouth and nose. Harmonized with the intense trembling of her whole body; the blood that flowed within Kairi's veins her whole life drizzled around the whole room.

"Kairi . . . What . . . is happening to you . . ." A question out of a fool's lips.

Anyone in his place would never have an idea of what action to make. Watching your most loved person in the world suffering, as if possessed by a demon, will definitely leave your mind blank. You'd hope for your demise than to witness God punishing the one you are living for.

The electric was now left open for couple of minutes. Riku was there, helping her by practicing his skill of being a statue; an audience to a grand performance worthy of his applause. Yet the beauty of the scenes had his mind twisted. Helplessness is the only praise he portrayed.

Amidst the climactic sequence, an unexpected and rather awful shriek streamed out from her lips aside from the torrent of darkened blood. A loud screech forced out from her implausible state.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiikuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!"

The next thing Riku saw in front of his eyes after hearing with his ears were the pillows of Kairi. He held her down tightly. Pressing his body against hers, he took away some of the intensity of her body's trembling motion. She heard her sweetest voice, begging for the pain to stop. And the the words she thought could end it is nothing else but his name, pronounced in such a way that it meant 'I need you to end this pain!'

"That's enough . . . That's enough, Kairi . . ."

He _chose_ to simply wait for the end of her torment. He is quite sure of its arrival because of the decrease in the numbers of vibrations made by the patient. He _chose _the only choice he could choose.

_This pain . . . It's . . . it's from the Chemo . . . therapy . . . She has no other choice, but to go through this scenario. God's rightful punishment . . . to all her sweetness and sorrow . . ._

A long while sufficed in contenting her pain. Riku just saw himself seated again on his chair, watching Kairi exhaust herself from breathing. He is no longer sane; his mind no longer in proper. It is senseless to think of anything now-of what will happen to her, what can cure her from this misery, what else can he do for her. For the first time, he knew at firsthand what its like to be her whenever she stares at the empty space.

An hour passed.

"I am sorry . . . I kept on asking you why you do not speak to me . . . I failed to realize that you are in much pain and agony-reason enough why you could not grant my wish. I understand, Kairi. The pain your body holds . . . is the reason why you no longer have the strength to say anything . . . Forgive me for acting so arrogantly . . ."

When no reaction took place, he knew that it may be appropriate for him to leave. With his mind still dwelling within a fog. No thought came to him. All he wanted to do is reach for the door and open it.

Before he could make a step which is an introduction to the realm outside the patient's room, a voice forged within weakness, came into his ears.

_Riku . . . It's not the pain_

_Not the fact that I'll die_

_Nor my frailty_

_I can no longer speak to you_

_Because . . ._

_If I do so . . . you'd say 'goodbye'_

_A word I don't want to hear from you_

_For . . . _

_The hardest part of this-_

_Is leaving you . . ._

(He closed the door - He slowly turned around - He faced the right - He looked at Kairi)  
(Beep . . . . . . . . . . . - Beep . . . . . . . . . . . . . . - Beep . . . . . . . . . . - Beeeeeeeeeeee . . .)

**Disclaimer no. 2: **I do not own/composed the song Cancer by My Chemical Romance. The story's pretty much from it. To all you Emo peepz, listen to it.

**Notes: **Yeah, I know that this ain't a work i can be proud of . . . so set me ablaze. I dare you to do so. Give me all the negatives. I feed on it anyway. Hee hee hee . . .

**X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X+X**


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